Everyone Has Rules…Here Are Mine

Want to stay sane and murder-free in online dating land?

Sure you do. Don’t we all? As an online dating veteran (2 months), I owe you some starter rules.

#1 Say Yes to Faces

No Profile Pic = No Way

I wait a few days to give grace to those in the process of setting up their profile. But if a profile pic never manifests—bye. I have fully committed to this zany experience, and I expect the same from my “matches.”

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#2 Say No to Dismembered Arms

If you cut a girl out of your photo or blur her face, I’m instantly suspicious of your player ways. Take.A.New.Photo. At least one guy had the decency to explain a floating hand in his caption: “I cut my mom out of this one. Sorry, Mom! :)” See instantly suspicious put at ease.

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#3 Must Write Good

If you can’t form a coherent text message, I’m going to assume you struggle with conversation in real life too. Trust me, the online dating world is no place to let your inner grammar police run wild—because you will lose your mind. But basic understanding is a must.

#4 Give Gold Stars for Transparency

If you refuse to tell me your last name and allow me to Google you like any reasonable human being, I will not be meeting you in person.

Bonus Tips: Before starting this process, Google yourself to see the results. Also Google your phone number before handing it out like a “Stalkers Welcome” flyer. I highly recommend adjusting your search results to a tolerable level and getting a Google Voice number to feel more comfortable giving a number that is not attached to your address and more. Stay safe, fam!

#5 Stay Murder-Free

Yes, I love hiking. No, I do not wander into the wilderness with strangers. Always meet in a public place for the first meeting. Only venture into the “woods” when you feel safe with that person. Do not feel pressured as to how many in-person dates this should take. You are talking to a stranger. Act like it.

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